Marriage is a journey that experiences rough patches and hardships along the way. Upon entering into the
institution, rarely does a young couple anticipate the possibility of things ending in divorce. The truth is, all marriages will face obstacles and some couples pull through the hard times, and others are unable to move forward together.
For couples that can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, divorce may be the only viable option. Every relationship is unique, and divorce is a personal choice that only you can decide. Unless you are in immediate danger physically or mentally, slow down and first ask yourself the following questions if you are considering a divorce:
- Do I hold unrealistic expectations of my marriage and my spouse? I am not suggesting that you should “settle” for someone that perhaps is treating you bad or simply doesn’t reciprocate effort and care. However, be realistic in your marriage. Superhero spouses that deliver your favorite meal on a golden platter and make a lot of money all while keeping a clean house and taking care of the kids don’t exist.
- Have all efforts been made to save the marriage (i.e. marriage counselor, couples therapist)? Divorce is a last-resort decision – one that should only be considered when all else fails. Before considering a divorce, really evaluate whether you and your spouse have made honest attempts to reconcile.
- Do I want a divorce or a better marriage with my spouse? Sometimes when the road gets tough, abandoning ship seems like a viable option. However, there is a difference between a couple going through normal relationship trials and a couple with irreconcilable differences. Determining what exactly it is that you want to improve in the relationship can help derive a solution to marital problems.
- Am I prepared to live independently (i.e. financially, physically, emotionally)? Give some serious thought as to how your life would change riding solo. Is this something you are prepared to handle in every aspect?
- Is there someone else? An affair, flirtation, or serious relationship outside of the marriage can be quite the challenge for couples to overcome. It’s often difficult to know how to proceed. Affairs are often a result of a partner avoiding the issues of a troubled marriage. Think about your relationship and evaluate whether there are any issues in the marriage that need attention. Not all affairs cause significant marital trouble, and statistics show that 75 percent of relationships outside of the marriage do not last. Also consider the fact that the beginning of a relationship always seems shiny and exciting, but over time the honeymoon phase wears off and the affair will no longer seem so appealing.
- If intimacy is a significant factor in the reason for divorce, ask yourself if you have been bold in your attempts to fix the problem. Have you been open and honest and discussed the issues with your spouse? Have you sought help to improve this area of your lives? Whether the problem is a lack of intimacy or difficulties being intimate, many of these problems can be resolved. Everyone has their own ideal frequency and expectation when it comes to sex. Every couple will find differences between theirs and their partner’s desires and a married couple’s sex life may not be as smooth and perfect as Hollywood portrays. Establishing open communication about the issues and being willing to accommodate one another can save certain relationships.
- Do I still love my spouse? When a couple is considering divorce, that love they once had for one another can be masked by hurt feelings, mistrust, stress, or other marital problems. Take a mental inventory of all the reasons you fell in love in the first place. What could either of you do to restore that love that was once there?
We understand that some marriages are unsalvageable and necessitate a divorce. At the Law Office of Kalkadora Thangkhiew, we specialize in family law which includes divorce cases. Our office offers a free first consultation, careful planning, and well-drafted, clear, documents. If a dispute has already arisen, our Law Office will assist you to reach a cost-effective resolution as quickly as possible. Consult with us if you are considering a divorce, have questions, or to file.